you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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