My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize