id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
