I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We need to get me chipped asap
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