we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
