We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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