The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
