Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
