I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
