sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize