I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
