I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
operation have a gay friend backfired
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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