bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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