seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize