Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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