He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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