I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize