is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Are we still banned from the library?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
BRING THE BAGELS
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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