Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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