apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
