The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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