I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
