oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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