so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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