if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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