Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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