come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
