That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
