"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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