I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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