I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
