I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
