He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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