Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
