I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
