It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
