I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
