I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
