she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
