Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
