Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
