first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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