so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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