everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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