Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
