Are we in a gay sports bar?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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