We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize