I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
