Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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