Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
