How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
