Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
