hotel room ftw
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
