1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
