Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
