Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
