You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Drunk is not a location!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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