How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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