My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
