So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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