I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
