I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
