Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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