My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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