I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
