I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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