yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
