wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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