Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
