I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
