pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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