Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
