Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
