Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
