I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
