Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we're making bets on your personal life
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
