i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
