Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
