Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
