I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
