I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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