If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
