So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
