I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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