Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
