He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
