I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
