My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
