he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
